anxietyproblem:

cyancees:

i have neither a good imagination nor aphantasia, but a secret third thing

aigenderated:

aigenderated:

aigenderated:

Fat fuck friday

The fact that people are baffled by this is so funny

Fat fuck friday 2 weeks later…. still fat.

lizzibennet:

lizzibennet:

lizzibennet:

lizzibennet:

lizzibennet:

my mom’s been telling me my entire life she and my dad met at a bar which BOOOO BORING but today she just casually mentions actually she placed a fuckin ad in the newspaper saying she was ‘a single lady ready to meet the one’ and he was the first to call her and they dated over the phone for like three months before they met n she was like “i was already pretty much in love with him because i adored his laugh on the phone” ????? What kinda 90s romcom bullshit

btw the first time they met in person apparently was because my grandpa fuckin uhhh died? and my dad called my mom inconsolable and she went over to console him and literally just kinda ?? never left???? ehakdhskdhskfjdkdh this bitch’s been telling me they very casually met at a bar can you beLEAF no wonder me and my brother were born fuckin drama queens

me: so you placed an ad? in the newspaper? telling men who were interested in fathering children a beautiful woman to call you? like a person advertising property they want to sell?

my mom, pokerfaced: yes that is exactly what i did

me: mom.

mom: it’s not that different from tinder!

me: you know i read a fanfic once where that was the exact plot of how the two characters met. except it was set in the nineteenth century!!!

mom:

mom: bet you thought it was hot

me: NOT THE POINT

apparently. when they had their very first date my dad mentioned his daughter (my sister on his side) and my mom was like :( because she really wanted children and he just patted her hand and was like “don’t worry! we’ll have children of our own.” HDLSHDSKDHDK THE AUDACITY OF THIS MAN? ON THEIR FIRST DATE??? HELLO?

me: so dad what did you think about mom’s ad in the newspaper

my dad, curt: it was cool i guess.

me:

me: did you not think it was weird at all? why did you call her specifically and not anyone else?

dad: no it was common back then. idk i liked the font she chose for the ad

my mom, from the kitchen: it was standard issue from the paper for the ads to look like that

dad: oh… guess it was fate then :)

me:

dad:

mom:

me: did you feel that? did you feel the breeze that just passed?

dad: yeah?

me: that was because mom just melted in the kitchen

mom, from the kitchen, voice clearly a little choked: NO I DID NOT

sesameowo:

So Zen flipflop them

bleonardo:

marinebiologyshitposts:

plaguedocboi:

I’m crying over this picture

gatekid3:

Posting this on its own because Tumblr hates links

rattenz:

*de5th br5ath*